Thoughts on transformation

I’ve been thinking a lot about transformation lately. Sometimes we can forget who we are, who we once were, or who we wanted to be once upon a time.

I think that can happen to anyone but it especially true with mothers. I have been mothering for 15 years now and for all those years everything has been about the kids. Their milestones, their activities, their ambitions…I have been doing what is in their best interest and at the same time, I have put on hold my own ambitions. Why do we do that?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder what happened to that girl who was passionate about creating art. The one who spent more money on art supplies than food. Where did she go? Maybe you wonder the same thing too?

I’ve used every excuse in the book for putting my passion on hold…when the kids get older I will….when the kids are in school I will…next weekend I will…but the time never came. Instead, I put off, or put on hold, my own passions for the sake of getting things done that needed to.

I am creative and sensible at the same time. I think that might be an oxymoron. Creative people tend to march to their own drum while sensible people do what is expected of them. When I spend time creating instead of marking something off my to-do list I feel guilty. And when I am only tackling the never-ending to-do list, my soul feels depleted. Do you see my inner conflict?

The creative girl in me wants to stay up til one o’clock in the morning creating and painting, but the sensible girl in me says, “You have to work tomorrow, a million things on your to-do list, a meeting at work, and you need to get the kids off to school, woman. Go to bed!”

So, there the watercolor paints sit until another day, or seven years later, I decide to let the creative girl win only to discover the paints are all dried up.

I’ve been letting the creative girl win a lot more lately. I’ve been thinking about what I really want. I am not happy in my job, and haven’t been happy for a while. That’s a story for another day.

I’ve been soul-searching, praying, asking, listening, thinking, and being honest with myself, without the input of the sensible girl. I need to feed my creative soul because I think she is dying. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I think I am on the right track.

That is why and how this blog has been born. Here is where I will share my journey back to my creative-self. Find my way back to the passion I once had. Once upon a time.

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Wanna join me? Subscribe to this blog and your email box will blow up; and by blow up I mean 1-2 posts a week. 

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